Overly Sensitive to Criticism

I am overly sensitive to criticism, I have been told this all my life and when I read that in a personality test or when someone tells me it my initial reaction is “NO I AM NOT” (said in an upset hurt voice). Clearly I am overly sensitive to criticism.

Photo by  Jordan Whitfield  on  Unsplash

I know I am smart, a hard worker, I care and try really hard. Therefore, I think that no one should ever bring up anything that I have ever done wrong ever (I don’t actually believe the latter). I can be praised, promoted and told I am doing a good job then one person says to me one mistake I’ve made and I completely go off the deep end.

I start to believe they do not value me at all, they and everyone else thinks I am doing a shit job, and that I am a shit person, I am likely getting fired, unfriended, or uninvited tomorrow.

I spend the next 2 days planning and organizing obsessively in my head how I can do better next time, making up aggressive arguments that replay in my thoughts over and over, a plan for when some decides to confront me further about my error, telling them how I am actually trying my best and how dare they have such unreasonably high expectations that someone won’t make a mistake, and why can you not see that I am literally trying SO HARD. Why do you not see this and value me?

The pressure becomes too much.

I try not to let it bring me down, and I fail. No point obsessing over something you can’t change now.

I obsess and just try harder next time.

Back to planning, write it down more, focus harder, be more patient, pause before I speak, don’t get distracted, become more focused, set a goal and constantly remind myself of it. 

Try harder next time.

So I try harder.

And I make another mistake.

Try harder next time.

Back to obsessing.

Promising that I will never make that same mistake again.

And I don’t.

But a new mistake comes up, and the feeling repeats.

How could I still fail even though I was trying SO HARD.

Try harder next time.

Arguments in my head, conversations reliving the situation with my friends, desperately clinging to the fact that I am trying SO HARD.

Believing people are holding another tally against me, I am likely getting unfriended, fired, or uninvited tomorrow.

I was told that attitudes like this make you successful, CEOs of major corporations, massive celebrities, you become rich, you become famous if you desire. These are things that I desire.

Don’t forget, pressure like this kills those people too.

I am sure someone will tell me if I meditate more it will help with these feelings.But I can’t help think that you are telling me I have made a bad decision and that’s a mistake.

I promise you I will try harder next time.

-writing this has made me feel better